I haven't had a cigarette since last august...my birthday...august 2nd...its not that big of a deal...I didn't pat myself on the back before I started smoking...why pat myself on the back now because I stopped...yea its a hard thing to overcome but it ends at that...I had to overcome it bc I made it...I made my addiction and I fed it until I needed it and it needed me...and then it fed me...it owned me...it got to the point where I would light up a smoke and take one hit and just stare at it...as if to see it from a different light...to be face to face with the enemy...and I smoked it down anyway...admitting defeat...40+ times a day...I don't know one person that smokes right now that knows why they still smoke...the only reason they have to still smoke is bc its too hard to quit...they don't wanna smoke but quitting seems worse...they might not admit that, and I will never say every situation is the same...but if you smoke...you know what I mean...the withdrawl and the shitty moods and the possible weight gain...they're all ploys from your mind to keep going...people are afraid to quit...I know first hand..I've had these thoughts..I use to try to think of days with out cigarettes and couldn't remember a time when I didn't light up...and the thought of all that empty space in my day, where a smoke break used to be, was frightening.."what will I do when this happens?" "what happens when I'm here?"...I used to buy extra packs just so there was overlap...so I never went an urge without a rone-dog...we even make nicknames so we don't have to say the word cigarette...rone, boge, cigarillo, ciggybutt, butt, newpie, and marly, parlie- we've even called it a cancerstick and chuckled at the thought...and it was still cuter than calling it a cigarette...its just fuckin weird how the human mind works...it sucks...but in all honesty...all that bullshit is just in ur head...you make yourself feel better about it because you wanna smoke
another cig later...so u lie to urself...you tell yourself that it hurts too much to quit, it'll suck too much to stop...you tell yourself that you're not ready...but by now the time has seemed to have flown by...and it seems like just yesterday that you started smoking...when in fact 3 years, 5 years, or in my case, 7 years flew by...and I was coughing all day, I was constantly getting stupid little colds and I was deadbroke and I woke up everymorning stinking and had a stuffy nose...I couldn't remember a day I went through where I felt good...I mean, c'mon...it was only cigarettes and I felt like I was a junkie...and I used to tell myself that...'well at least I'm not a junkie..its only cigarettes'...'its only cigarettes'...hah...how dumb was I? I used to laugh at the "truth" commercials...I used to wanna smoke just to spite them...I could barely walk without being winded..I could barely sing without losing my voice...and I sing in a band...my life has been so much brighter since i quit...and I can directly relate my better moods and more positive outlook on life to the fact that I cut one litle burning white stick of nothingness out of my life...
I don't care if you smoke...do yer thing thing...I just choose not to anymore...
...danny fitz...
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